Obituary: Dustin’s College Career

Today, December 13, at approximately 5 PM Dustin’s College Career passed away quietly in his sleep. He lived a fulfilling, yet short, life of 6 years. The first year of his life was spent confused and disillusioned, wandering the halls of a small Christian University, struggling to keep control during his 9 month long battle with Dustin’s Video Game Career (RIP 2001-2002).

Much of Dustin’s College Career’s 2nd year on this earth was spent in the back of Dustin’s mind, gathering dust, until his employer, Dustin, met a lovely lady, and Dustin though, “Who is this fine looking woman? I like this woman and I need a good job to give her a good life.” Dustin’s College Career awoke from his year-long hibernation and agreed with Dustin, as he was feeling neglected.

For the next 4 years, Dustin and Dustin’s College Career had a tumultuous affair. Dustin struggled to balance his life with his lovely lady while still allowing Dustin’s College Career to have a piece of him. Dustin decided to give most of himself to the lovely lady, while giving just enough to Dustin’s College Career to get by. After 6 years, Dustin’s College Career is no longer with us, and we wish to never see you again.

Dustin’s College Career leaves behind a good job, a happy lovely lady, a new house and a diploma. A memorial service will be held for the next 60 years or so, in and around the greater Seattle metropolitan area or wherever. Refreshments will be provided.

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